so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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