is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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