someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
