Duck Duck Cougar?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
