I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
