guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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