Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
