Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
