I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
