Just mADE A PArabola og urine
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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