I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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