Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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