She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
