i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
