We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize