I should be sponsored by Trojan
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
