i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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