Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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