goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
