Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
