I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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