I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
