respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
