yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
