So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
