dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
