I wish they made helmets for livers.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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