i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
