I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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