I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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