i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
