My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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