Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
