you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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