from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
