New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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