if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Randomize
