Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
