Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
