He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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