if i can run in heels then i can drive
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
