Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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