I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need water and some morals
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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