i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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