They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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