He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
