he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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