There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
