Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
