If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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