I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
