I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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