The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize