You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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