Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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