found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
