Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
