if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
