he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How external is "for external use only"?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
