While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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