You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
