I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
