"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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