cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
