Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize