just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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